Has she forgotten about me?

Yep, another depressing post from me! I haven't heard from Lily since our fiasco of a day last Thursday. I don't usually call her because I don't want to upset her or remind her that she misses me, but I think I'm going to today, I need to talk to her. Only 3 more sleeps, I'm so excited!

Just uploaded some recent pics...

so I thought I'd share...there are a ton of pics, I haven't uploaded in a while!

These are from Lily's last swim meet (divisionals) of her first summer league season...

I videoed her swimming, so I don't have any still pics of that. She did sooo good!

These are from her end of year party for swim team, it was at Incredible Pizza...

She had a lot of fun! Someone is a little competitive though...A few random shots...

I uploaded a ton more, but I think the rest are gymnastics pics, I'll share them in a different post, another day!

Not such a good idea after all...

Yesterday was a disaster, to say the least! It started out great, I picked Lily up from Matt's office at 7:45, she was so happy, we hugged and kissed and off in the car we went. We were on our way to her school for pre-K registration, the phone rings, it's my mom, she wants to meet somewhere for a kiss from her Lil. She's a little while away, so we stop to get gas, Lily pumps, we stop to get a juice, we make it to the bank where we're meeting mom. Mom gets a kiss, we're still happy as can be! We go to the school, get all the paperwork sit down and start filling it out. Lily overhears the lady at the desk tell me that the nurse will be out in a minute to look over her shot record to make sure it is up to date. She waits a few minutes, thinking about it I'm sure, and says 'mommy is the nurse going to give me a shot?' I tell her no, she is just going to look it over and make sure she's had all she needs before she starts school. When the nurse does come out, she is so relieved to find out she is all up to date, she even lets out a 'YES!' lol We finish registering, she gets her teachers name, we will meet her on Aug 23rd, she gets to see her classroom, take a ride on the bus, etc. She can't wait! Oh yeah, when hearing her teachers name (Mrs. Manchester) she said 'awww man mommy, I didn't want a boy teacher!' lol In the car she's telling me about all the fun things we are going to do for the day. We are going swimming, she has crafts planned out, we are going to have a tea party, etc. Then I tell her that we are meeting grandma for lunch at 12:30, then we have gymnastics at 2:15 and we'll have time to play for a little while when we get home, but then we'd have to save most things for in the afternoon when we get home from gym. We're still doing good, we get home and she wakes up Ally and Katie. We hang out, play with some toys, then Leslie gets here. She is here from College Station just for the day, and is the reason I asked Matt to take her for the day. The day just goes downhill from here. She starts to get a little cranky and clingy. Leslie is so excited to see her, it's been a couple of months, but she's just not really interested. She's getting frustrated and mad about the slightest things, everything seems to be upsetting her. Then my older sister and her two kids get here. Immediately she's crying. I start to figure out what's wrong. She's a very emotional girl, I know that, but I had no idea this was going to happen. She won't really tell me what's wrong, but she doesn't want to talk to anyone, she doesn't want Evan (her 3 year old cousin) to play with her toys (sooo not like her), she doesn't want Christy (my sister) to hug her, she is just crying. Over what?? Nothing! It was so sad, it was just like she was depressed, I didn't know what to do. I took her off, by ourselves, into another room to talk to her. It was exactly what I thought, but had no idea was going to happen. She wanted to spend the day together, just me and her, she said 'I don't want all of them to miss me'. I really should have known this was coming, any time she comes home from her dad's house, especially for a long time, she just wants to hang out with me, she doesn't want anyone else around, and she definitely does not want to leave our house. After a day or two, she's back to her normal happy self! It's strange and I hate it, but that's how it is, she is very emotional (I wonder where she gets that from?) So, I get her calmed down, we play some games on the computer, by ourselves, and by the time we leave to go to lunch, she is doing fine...that is until we get in the car! Evan has been saying since he got here that he is going to ride in Sarah's car, he loves to and Lily usually enjoys the company, well not today. She is pissed, she doesn't want him in the car and she wants Ally, well Ally is riding with Shelly, with my sister and there is not room for both of them between the car seats. She literally cried all the way to the restaurant (45 min away)! When we got there, she was pouring sweat, her nose was running everywhere, she was a mess. I told Leslie to go in and get a table for 9 and take everyone else in with her. I got Lily in the front seat with me and we talked a little more. She explained why she was so sad and I just started crying. I tried to hold back, but I just couldn't. I really did feel bad that I had pretty much 'ruined' her perfect day with me. On a side note, Lily does not act like this, I don't put up with it, basically around here, you go with the flow whether you like it or not, Lily knows this and is a very easygoing, fun, very sweet girl. I feel like this is making her out to be a brat, it's just different when she comes home, I don't really know how to explain it. So anyway, we sit there and talk for a little while, we cry together, I apologize, she apologizes, we hug, kiss, blow our noses, lol, and go in to have lunch. She was happy to see my mom there. She does really well at lunch, she sits there, eats her food, shares her food with Evan, just like my Lily! When we leave the restaurant, we have to go home get dressed for gym, and get Leslie's truck, she had to leave for a dentist's appointment from the gym, and get to gym quick, we were running a bit behind. Christy, Shelly, Evan and Ally (she was going to spend the night with Shelly) are on their way home. Lily starts talking about how she wanted all of them to watch her at gymnastics, she is talking, not screaming and crying about it, so I call Christy and they agree to stop there since it was on the way home, that cheers her up a little bit. Lily had been saying that she didn't want to go to gym. I told her that we would go and if she wanted to leave early that she could. I figured this was the best way to go. If we stayed home and she decided she wanted to go, it would be too late, but if she went and wanted to leave, that would be ok. She was in her class, but not really there, kwim? She was off, doing stuff they do every class, she just really wasn't there, but she was smiling, even if her face was all red and puffy! :( They were having a really fun class, as opposed to the normal, strict class, since it was the last class of the session, so that was good. Then it happened, she got kicked in the stomach, and I mean hard! I could see on her face, she was trying sooo hard not to cry, but she just couldn't, she bent over holding it and just started balling. Her coach of course came to her, she later told me when I asked her if it hurt to breathe, that she couldn't talk...ouch, poor baby! It made it no better that she was already so sad. She sat out for a little while as I tried to decide whether or not to go to the office and have her pulled out (since only they can do that). She was sitting by the wall watching the others and just crying. I was so torn, there were only a few minutes left and I knew she'd want her stamps after class, but she was so sad, just sitting there crying quietly, not like screaming or anything, she was just really in pain. Then luckily she got up and started doing her cartwheels with the others, I was so happy. The other parents felt so bad for her too, it was a hard kick, especially the mom of the other girl. She just kept apologizing and even had her daughter come apologize after class...it was totally an accident though, and I told her and her mom. The girls hugged and everything was fine! We got out in the parking lot and she had her last meltdown of the day, Ally was leaving to spend the night with Shelly! We somehow managed to leave and make it home. So, we're down to me, Lily and Katie, and Lily couldn't be happier. We get home get our bathing suits on and out to the pool we go, just Lily and me. We had so much fun, and I was just so happy to see her happy for one of the only times of the day. The mosquitos got pretty bad and we decided to head inside and do one of the crafts she had planned. We made puppets, well really they weren't puppets but Lily said they were and she instructed me and we each made one...they were cute though! We ate some dinner and it was time to take her back to her dads. He asked for her to be home by 7:30. On the way back she said a few times that she didn't want to go, she wanted to go back to her house, etc. She fell asleep a couple of blocks away, I can only imagine how exhausted she was! I was on the verge of tears, but knew that if I started, she would be a mess. I held them back until I turned away from his door and back to my car. I cried to whole way home. What a day! Only 10 sleeps now until our life gets back to normal and I have my normal Lily back and home with me!

Hmmm...bored!

It's Tuesday, I'm off work and Lily is gone. What should I do? lol I was going to work this morning so that I didn't have to worry about that, but my mom needed me to watch Ally for the day. We are headed to Lily's doctor to pick up a copy of her shot record to register for pre-K on Thursday, but that's really all. I miss my girl! I've been reading a friend's blog (hi Amy!) and I'm insanely jealous, don't tell her that of course ;) of all the fun she is having with her kiddos this summer! I talked to her yesterday and she seems to be having a good time. She asked me how many more sleeps until she comes home and was disappointed with my answer (14). I do get to see her Thursday, which will be wonderful! I just want kisses...lots and lots of kisses, that is one of the things I miss the most, along with her beautiful face and the fun we have together. I really should stop writing about this, as I'm getting a bit emotional. I hate to sound so negative and depressing, but I really just don't know what to do without her. She is my whole world, I do nothing without her other than going to work, and I do as little of that as possible to be able to spend as much time with her as I can. 2 MORE WEEKS is a very, very long time! UGGH!


Well, off to the doc's office. I can't believe my baby is going to start school in a couple of weeks!

1 sleep down...18 to go...

So, she left last night :( She was sad a little before, but by the time she was walking out the door, she was fine. I'll get to see her again on the 9th, I'm taking her for the day because Leslie is coming to town. I'll pick her up from her Nana's in the morning, take her to register for pre-K, probably go to lunch and hang out with her for the day, then Leslie gets to see her at gymnastics in the afternoon. I'll take her back to Nana's in the evening before her dad gets home, or take her to his house, we haven't really talked about that yet. Hopefully it won't be hard on her. I miss her like crazy already!

I'm so bummed...

Well today Lily leaves to go to her dad's until the 20th (that's 19 sleeps! lol). She's still sleeping (lazy-butt), but when she wakes up we'll spend the day together, probably go swimming if it doesn't rain and just chill until 6. Hopefully I can wait until she's out the door before I start crying. 20 days is forever, I hate being without her. My whole world revolves around her (literally) so when she's gone just absolutely sucks! This is also the longest she's ever been gone. She's not excited, but she's not upset, so that's good. I try to make it as positive as I can, but it's hard on both of us. The past two days have been kind of hectic with her. She is being a big time PITA. Whining, crying over nothing, arguing, and I totally knew what it was about. That's just the way she shows her emotion. She does not act like that, unless she is upset about something. Last night she and I went to get some dinner and in the car I asked her to please stop getting so upset and being so ugly to me. Her response was that she was mad that she had to go to her dad's. I said well that's not mommy's fault, there is nothing we can do about it. What she said back, really shocked me, she said that she was trying to get in trouble so I wouldn't let her go to her dad's....what a smart girl! Just shows you how a little 4 year old's mind works.